Deafening silence

It is pathetic that my first entry should be so melancholic. But sometimes, life twists and turns in ways so unexpected, it leaves one tired and without hope. Like snow, when the sun peeps through, and the land heats up, it melts and disappears, unable to face the challenges of the new day. Even now, there's no light. All is dark. And I don't see the sun.

Deafening Silence
It crashes all around me.
My mind screams into my ears.
Unfathomable.
Anguish, pain, hopelessness,
then numbness.
Where were You all along?

You opened the window,
but a little and
I saw the world at my feet.
It slams now
in my face,
not even a trickle of light through.
And i'm left in the dark,
alone, neglected.
Where were You all along?

You gave but withheld so much.
Do You see my frustration?
What did i do to deserve this?
Why make me struggle every time?
I'm sick of it all.
Can't You see it's wearing me down?
Where were You all along?

My candle's flickering,
You sent the wind to snuff me out.
So I'm left in a pool of wax,
my own tears.
Do You feel cold?
Maybe You ain't even near me,
to feel the chill.
Where were You all along?

I knocked.
You said You would answer.
I'm searching for Your answers.
But they would not come.
Deafening silence.
Where were You all along?

Through the tumult,
I slogged hard.
You reward hardwork, don't You?
Don't You?
But no. Why?
Was I fooled into thinking You would?
It's useless now. Everything.
Where were You all along?

Faith the size of a mustard seed.
Yeah, I had more than that.
Once.
Now, I'm licking my wounds
in Your deafening silence.
Where were You all along?

Confidence maketh a man.
My stainglass shattered.
Do You see the lost girl behind it?
Yes, it's me.
Why don't You reach out to me?
I'm reaching out for You.
Where were You all along?

And the morning rain clouds form,
Tears or rain,
You decide.
I've tried my best.
Please do the rest.
You promised to care,
but Your deafening silence,
betrays Your absence.
Your deafening silence.