This place has somehow become my secret sanctuary, away from all the hustle and bustle of real physical life. It's a quiet oasis to retreat to. I feel like I'm stepping into my own shadow, looking at myself from the back, at the past, the present and into the future.
It's been quite a year. Though not as eventful as I had hoped for it to be. But nonetheless, we reap what we sow. Every now and then we get sucked into the pendulum of choices, of ideals, of dreams, desires, fantasies... It happens once in awhile, and we only ever make the decision when we abandon it.
Much has got me thinking alot these few days. Partly the need to escape, the desire to live the dream, the spirit to succeed. Some say hatred is a feeling we must avoid, because it will only spin out of control like a hurricane, too eager to take revenge. But it pulled me out of listlessness and I'd rather live with this hatred than to let it go altogether and lose the will the live.
I know it isn't good to hate. wrong even. And I beg forgiveness for harbouring that which is forbidden. But I promise to let it go, once I achieve my goals. Only, as some say, sometimes we lose sight of the goal when the feeling consumes us. we'll see. but you have my word, I'll keep it under control.
At least i do know what I want at the moment with this forbidden feeling. Even if there are a riot of choices to be made, all raring to be heard. It's difficult to fid some peace in the craziness out there. But at least there's something to cling onto. even if it is only for the moment.