The past week had been harrowing. It was emotionally tiring, mentally draining, spiritually exhausting. I was that close to throwing in the gauntlet and calling it quits. But I know God was there holding my hand, kindly, yet firmly telling me it's time I sit up and realise my weaknesses. Thank God for everything, my horrible grades, those countless tears (i don't think one can say they were teardrops. They were more like pools of tears.) and even sleepless nights, when I lay awake bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight streaming in from the window, straining my ears to hear Him. Of course, I heard nothing. Nothing in the silence. But I felt Him.
I really have to thank my friends for being there and all, but there is one person, whom I owe alot to. Oafie was there when I needed her. 24/7. All her words of encouragement, her prayers, her just being there, her messages, etc really dragged me out of my misery, to teach me to trust in Him again, to see the rainbow after the storm, to teach me that the thorns comes before the rose and most of all, to never fail to believe in me. And that alone is enough to keep me going. Thank you so much dear.
I cannot say I wasn't sorely disappointed. As a matter of fact, I was utterly disappointed. The feeling's old though, as though I had experienced it before. Although it did seem like aeons ago. And then I remembered that feeling. The feeling of failure despite giving it my best shot. The feeling of being betrayed of my trust. The anguish, the sorrow, the regret, the guilt and finally, the acceptance. And oddly enough, just knowing I had experienced this wretched emotion before gave me a measure of ironic comfort. But then, from those experiences, I know other emotions were born from the ashes of the old. That of courage, of getting up, of fighting back, of hanging on, of trusting all over again. I was beaten once, I hit rock bottom alright, everything shattered. I felt the bruises, I felt the blows. But like the old times, I'm getting up. I'm trusting again. I'm hanging on. I'm going to fight back. And like the old times, I will win. Whatever it takes. Like way back then, no one stands between me and my goal. It's only us now. And this time, I'm going to nail it flat down. Just like I did before. Don't anyone tell me I can't do it. Because only I myself can say that. And also because I've done it before, I can do it again. I can't wait for what the future brings. With God to guide the way, it's only just the beginning.