What am i doing online? oh man. it's the concert tmr. Strangely, I feel damn sad. really damn sad. for all the struggling and reluctance to play for another chamber concert, suddenly I feel like this comfortable blanket being pulled away from me. Always, the warm comfortable blanket that I can retire to and relax in after a long day, it's going now. After tmr at about this time, I think I'll seriously cry. Man. Suddenly I realise I love performing in an orchestra, as part of a chamber ensemble. For braving the cold in the room, talking at the back, slacking and panicking over high notes that we can't reach easily through sight-reading... I'll really miss those days.Damn. i'm slipping into that state again. state of sentimentality. URGH. Suddenly, when i'm free to go and run and never come back to the ensemble room again, I don't wanna leave. I just wanna stay there even when the lights go off and feel the lingering coldness in the room, just staring, wanting time to stand still. It's like tearing a part of you away and never finding it back. Now, I think if I walk past the chamber room, I'll barge in. No matter who the heck is in there. I don't care. I just wanna go back, to the days where the J3s were still ard, when chamber meant so much to me. and then there was SYF, the pain, the struggle, the hardwork and finally the euphoria over our GWH. the rose that came with SYF, then Opus 5, and IFC at CHJIMES, the beautiful beautiful acoustics of that hall, RJC Opening Ceremony, the little library performance, and this, our last. IFC at VCH. So many beautiful memories that close when the curtains closes, a chapter closed, ended, forever. SHIT. I hate this. I hate it when sth you're so used to ends. SHIT.