Saturday, September 23, 2006


Hey! I'm back. Today's like the most uneventful day.. Charm's out with Paul having their chocolate buffet at Fullerton Hotel. So I'm stuck all alone at home. Bored. This is what you get when you're still single. So I'm the little sister that my big sis was supposed to bring me to Fullerton and have chocolate buffet too. But too bad. They made reservations for 2 only. 2 only!!!!! What's this?! So Charm said I'll have to sit on the floor if I wanna go. Ok. So that explains why I'm in front of the comp instead of at Fullerton. Anyway, I've tried to busy myself lately. Watched Beauty and the Beast and got called little girl by Jerms. haha. I know I'm quite childish at times.. But great is the man who has not lost his child-likeness. Oh and I think this Chinese actress is really pretty. She's the most beautiful lady I've ever seen! Anyone reading this would think I'm a lesbian. But I'm not k. ok. That's her above.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Yesterday was the last day of prelims. May, Lyd and Yii wen wanted to watch Singapore Dreaming. Which I didn't want to. So I had 2 hours to kill before we met for lunch again. Was deciding what to do with my time when I met oafie! It was so coincidental! I was going up the escalator towards Tangs market. And I saw Oafie going down. Needless to say, we ended up prowling the streets together. It was so great! It's been such a long long time since we last went out together. I guess it's always like that with old friends. they can be miles away from you. But deep down inside, you know that no matter what, she'll always be there when you need her. we went to Zara first and it was really funny how we realised we both love winterwear! And get all feely about it here in hot, humid Singapore. hey. but not any longer. She'll be off to Australia soon and I'll be left here. *hey girl, yes! You'll be gg there! I've always believed that*Boohoohoo! We walked aimlessly for a really long time before I had to meet my friends for lunch. But hey. it was the best 2 hours I've ever spent. After that, I watched The Banquet with Yii Wen. It was a beautiful movie. And I really mean beautiful. the cinematography was awesome. It blows you away, much like many other wuxia Chinese films. i never knew the imperial courts looked so zen. Goodness. Yii Wen thinks Daniel Wu's character in the show is totally useless. Quoted from the girl herself, "who runs away to learn arts and music when your dad steals your lover, only to come back to take revenge and end up having the target kill himself?" I think he's good-looking alright, but the script didn't do his character justice. I mean, come on. You're the Crown Prince. The rightful heir to the throne. Why should the Imperial Guards kill you? What's the talk about the ancient Chinese being loyal to the rightful Emperor? Or do they drift with the wind? Anyhow, I think he did say something that stuck on. "If one understands another, there will be no loneliness. There will always be loneliness because we don't truly understand each other." I think if the Emperor's character were to be expanded upon, it would be great. Coz I think Ziyi was given too much screen time. Oh and did I mention? I think there's incest. Between the General Xin and his sister, Qing, played by Huang Xiaoming and Zhou Xun. At first, it was so sweet to see a brother, scheming and crafty, loving his sister so earnestly. But it got a little out of hand when he hugged her more like a lover than a sister. And it was heart-wrenching when he held his dying sister and kissed her. In the end, everyone dies. It's so Shakespearean! oh, Yii Wen, i found out who killed Ziyi, from Jen. She said, it's the ghost of the late Emperor, Wu Luan's father. Anyways, it was a great movie. Lots of eye-candies, like Daniel Wu and Huang Xiaoming. Yii Wen, the latter's good-looking k, more good-looking than Daniel Wu, I should think. He's got more character and is more suave. It was a good show. I think it taught us alot about sacrifice. How brotherhood and love can bring one to give up his life to save another. In more ways than one, I think the Emperor was not as cold blooded as protrayed explicitly. He had loved Empress Wan and up to the time he died, he had only treated her with kindness and love.
Ok. I'm so damn tired of typing now. Sigh. But anyway, after the show, Jen and I went to surprise Raisa for her birthday! haha. Happy Birthday, girl! You're saucy 18 now! :D We left early without eating the cake and went instead to a Japanese restaurant. Had a nice long chat with an old friend, Jen. haiz. That's the thing about old friends. they're like the comfortable canvas shoes you retire into after having to totter on glamourous stilettos for the whole day. We talked about so much stuff. it was interesting to realise that even though we learned the ropes of life the hard way in RG, of being backstabbed and trampled upon, it was also the place where we found true friends, the place we really grew as a person. The place which made us all stronger, more intuitive, more discerning. I think we half-live, here in RJ. Forever in a masquerade, hidden behind the colourful masks. Masks we paint according to the situation. I think over here, it's like communicating to one and another in water, where the unfamiliar environment swallow our words and convey only a vague idea of what we really mean to say. All we do is guess at each other's meanings, half hoping we were right. It's like being in a new environment, all excited about the prospect, but when it comes down to it, we really are uncomfortable in it. And sometimes in water, we only see things so shadowy, we don't see that single tear, for we notice only the wide crescent of our mouths, mistaking it for a smile. We don't hear the tiny sniffle, we live in our world of silence, eternally in a mime. And when the going gets too tough, we break through the water surface and escape it all. Leaving the mess behind us, beneath us.

Friday, September 15, 2006

It's in the middle of prelims. I don't know what I'm doing online. Was just pretty troubled these days. Not just the horrid papers. but so much more. Realised I backslided alot and it's really the exams taking a toil on my own relationship with God. It has morphed into something I don't like. And I really hate myself for it. For always taking Him as one who will provide for my needs and nothing more. I don't think I deserve His grace anymore. Quiet times are reduced to early morning prayers to the purplish, pinkish sky, sending my prayers heaven-wards like little invisible puffs of smoke. I don't want to keep walking down this spiritually-draining path. Coz I know I owe Him so much, my life, my circumstances, everything. But i don't know if God still listens anymore. After I've been like crap, ignoring my Creator for days on end. When daddy quotes from the bible in the morning, I get this heavy, sad feeling. I want to walk back towards Him. After i've drifted so far off, that my life is spinning out of control now. Crap and only I can help myself draw closer to Him. I remember how I used to sing the Care Chorus in primary school and feeling so safe and warm in His unconditional, abundant love. Now I feel void. Will I still find Him inside me again, after all this while?

Care Chorus

I cast all my cares upon You,
I lay all of my burdens,
down at your feet,
for anytime that I don't know,
What to do...
I will cast all my cares upon You..

"Casting all your cares upon Him for He cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7

I think I'm gonna take a u-turn and walk towards the light. Towards Him. I'm going back to my beginnings. From where the proof of my existence begin. Lord, I'm coming back to you.

"Trust in God with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; but in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:6

Monday, September 04, 2006

Never realised how much I missed my childhood until yesterday when Maryann and I talked about our primary school days.. I can't believe it's been so many years since we last don that blue pinafore with the distinctive white belt, girl! We talked till 3am! the memories were so bittersweet. It's like reliving that time of our life when our world still revolved around mummy and daddy and that scary teacher. Reminiscing some of the memories really made us laugh so hard, I think I choked a couple of times. I remembered the time when we went to the zoo in p5 and SOMEONE wanted to go to the vegetable garden. (May, if you're reading this, don't laugh.. we were in it together :P) I think we were really brave because we were allowed to wonder around the zoo by ourselves, so Maryann, May and I decided to go along with Maryann who wanted to go to the vegetable garden. Until today, I still can't believe we went to the zoo to visit the VEGETABLE garden. Until today, Maryann keeps denying she was the one who suggested it. and it was erhmm. almost 7 years ago. Nevermind. So we went to the garden and one of us saw a bee. So someone shouted bee!!! and everyone just ran as fast as we could. Although no one actually saw the bee. I could still remember Maryann turning all red and laughing her weird giggle. Oh wells. What nice memories. :) yeah, then we took a mental walk through the whole school, the eerie disgusting toilets before the renovation and the massive and seemingly frightening hall to our little eyes. hey girl, I hated the hall during the afternoons too k. Oh, and we talked about our teachers! The scary lower primary teachers who used to terrorise us. And the classroom sitting arrangement! HAHA. We both liked the second row inner seat of the 'E' shaped tables! It was so cosy! Eh. I remembered that too! hey one more thing, girl. You were in Archer and I was in Dodsworth! :) Oh and the pond at the back of the school we huge terapines inside, and how kids kept falling into the pond.. and the nice quadrangle in the middle of the school with the nice little bridge over the pond filled with Japanese carps.. and the canteen and the food.. i think we all look back and the times we remember most vividly at those that have shaped us most into who we are today..

Friday, September 01, 2006

Velvet skies. Sometimes we feel so left behind. Forgotten. Is that the right word? I have no idea. Mum used to say I liked to do things myself so much, it made her job as a mum easier. Yeah, sure. I do. I was always the independent one. The one everyone assumed could easily find a place for herself in the world. Yeah, I still can. The one who looked like all of life's worst could be thrown at her and she could still pick up the shreds and smile. Yeah, I smile so often yeah? Everyone said I smiled so often as a child, that was all they could remember me by. The happy child. But why do I feel like I'm paying back for all my smiles now? Why do I feel so left out now? Yeah, sure. I'm the independent one, the one who could always manage (struggle) on her own. Velvet skies. No one really appreciates its colour huh? Sometimes I think we take for granted what's there. Yeah, it's night, so the sky's dark. How dark? No one really realises. On days when twilight bathes the whole town in it's unearthly yellow light, the night sky becomes purplish-blue, a little surreal, a little endearing. Velvet skies.