We had a 409 outing today! As always, there is always joy in our meeting and never sadness in the parting, because we know that no matter what, 409 will always be special and first in our hearts. I'm so thankful I've got such a wonderful class, with such beautiful people whom I can count on no matter what. We had so much fun eating Gelare and talking and laughing and because we were so big a group, the manager had to shift chairs and tables to accomodate us, and even had to ask 2 girls to give up their seats for us. Then it was stuffing our faces and doing stupid 409 stuff like talking non stop and yeah, being noisy. Then we went to Esplanade roof top again, and we played games. It really cracked me up! But yeah, everyone was so comfortable with each other, we laughed nonstop! It feels great to be with old friends again, to be yourself, to understand each other through and through and know that no matter what you say, no one will be hurt coz they know you don't mean it. It's so different from RJ, where every word is guarded and the meaning of friends has to be redefined. I love 409. In my heart, you girls are special! Love you all!!!

I'm so sorry. How many times do you want me to apologise? If you don't believe me, how do you expect me to believe you? URGH. I'm just doing my responsibility. I can't just back out of the concert just because I'm sick! Ok. So you think I shouldn't even have performed for the concert and go for your party instead? Fine. You can give Him an answer, (or rather, excuse)but I can't and I won't. I won't back out of something I've already promised God just because you said so.

Spend a stupid night thinking how I might have hurt him. But I realised if he can't understand my predicament, it's not worth me explaining it over and over again to him anyway. I'm really sorry. But I'm not making it up. He can't see things from my point of view. Sorry, dude. Really. Please understand.

I got this from Shifu. Don't mind huh, dude!

TEN random things about me:
1) I love big spaces. I can't stand enclosed spaces.
2) I love cold weather.
3) I like shopping with my sister in Orchard at night best. Sorry gurls, but my sis still reigns as my best shopping partner. She's funny, wacky, funky, and most of all practical. So I don't spend too much on my shopping sprees.
4) I want to be a missionary to Nepal when I grow up.
5) I love fashion.
6) I actually have a soft spot for kids.
7) I want to get married one day. haha. REally!!!
8) I love foreign films and films that have profound meaning in them.
9) I'm pretty cold to people I don't quite know, esp guys.
10) I don't flirt coz I think it's disgusting and stupid. If someone likes you, he has to like you for who you are, not because he thinks you like him. Sue me!

NINE places I've visited:
1) Cambodia
2) France
3) England
4) Belgium
5) Switzerland
6) China
7) South Korea
8) Thailand
9) Malaysia

EIGHT things I want to do before I die:
1) see the world
2) to love and to be loved.
3) white water rafting
4) live in the great outback!
5) learn how to play tennis properly
6) learn to ski!
7) take up painting and spend a day or two in a scenic mountain top painting the world at my feet.
8) live and evangelise in Nepal.

SEVEN ways to win my heart:
1) have a sense of humour. I need to crack up now and then. haha
2) be philosophically deep, not just skin-deep. I hate superficiality. :P
3) be considerate
4) be hardworking and sporting.
5) be independent. I prefer it that way.
6) love and fear God. REALLY!
7) kind-hearted

SIX things that annoy you:
1) People who boast too much
2) People who bear grudges. I don't understand why. Life's too short to bear so many and remember them all.
3) People who practise eliticism. Everyone's equal.
4) People who don't say thank you when they are served. They are not doing their job. It's part of their job. So make life easier for them and be polite!
5) Tactlessness.
6) I think I've spelled out enough. HAHA

FIVE things I'm afraid of:
1) lizards
2) lost in a foreign land
3) having no guts to try.
4) falling on blades.
5) clothes. I have a love-hate affair with them. I may blast my allowance.

FOUR of my favorite things in my bedroom:
1) my bed
2) my bubble chair my sister bought for me from Hong Kong.
3) my window to the limitless sky.
4) nothing else. I don't quite fancy my study table.

THREE things I do everyday:
1) sms
2) watch tv.
3) talk

TWO things I want to do right now:
1) shopping
2) watching a movie

ONE person I want to see right now:
1) my sister! It's been 20 long and boring days! URGH. 1 more day to go.

Been stuck at home and down with flu and fever. Yucks. But waiting forever for my sis to get back from Cambodia. Gosh. How much do I miss my 19 going on 7 sister? She's so full of rubbish and I kinda miss those rubbish now that the days are gettin so boring and the only highlight is the concert at the end of certain days. Let's see how many more days before she comes home.. *counts fingers* about 3? Last night, I had this really scary nightmare about my sister, who decided she wants to die. So she swallows a pill in front of my very eyes and died. *touch wood!!* I woke up feeling so horrible. sigh. Why do we miss people only when they're gone? Why do we regret loving them only when they no longer cease to be with us? Why do we refuse to forgive and seek forgiveness until it's too late? Why do we keep thinking there'll be another day, when that day might never come? Why do we bare so much hatred and grudge for the person, and then spent a lifetime regretting? Why are we too proud to admit that we love someone, only until the person's gone? Why do we fail to see the goodness of someone until the race is run? To mom, dad, big sis Charm and all my friends, if tomorrow never comes for me, I love you all! :)

hey! I'm back! I went to Poipet, Cambodia, not Laos. (May's confused!) It's approximately 4 hours overland from Bangkok and does not have an airport of its own. To get into Poipet, we have to walk from the Thai immigration to the Cambodian one. Roads are really dusty and full of potholes. Just across the border, there are many many casinos. Apparently, it is said that Poipet hosts the worst of everything in Asia. (don't quote me! I heard it somewhere) Drug trafficking, child kidnapping, you name it, they have it. Back to where I was. Beyond the casinos, the scene changes drastically. Instead of the glittering, white walls and colourful neon lights, one is greeted with poor dusty roads and many many slumps. And this place, beyond the casinos would be our hotel for the next 5 days. We took a Cambodian taxi (mind you, it has no aircon. Taxi means a motorbike attached to a small cart and we sat inside the cart.) from the border our hotel, a very simple hotel with only the basics. No carpeted floor, no grand entrance and our suite had no hot water. We were thankful no doubt. And hey! Our hotel was even recommended by the Lonely Planet book! We met with the 2 missionary families there, Dr Kent Copland's family and Syna's family. Throughout the 5 days, we met some Cambodian Christian youths and even played football with them! Ok. I kicked some dung together with the ball in an attempt to pass it. And when I say dung, it is really cow dung. Fresh from the few grazing cows around the field. But we had fun no doubt!!! On Sunday, we visited a village church tucked away in a really rural area. But it was heart rendering to see little kids, poor though they might be but so rich in spirit and rich with God's love! Thank God!They sang for us and I played my violin. the village church was just a one room church with zinc walls and roof and sunday school was held just under a tree beside the church. It might be simple, but yeah, I must say the best church service I've ever attended! Although sermon was given by Syna's husband in Khmer and we prayed in Khmer, even the Lord's prayer in Khmer. And we had communion! Great. Simply awesome. Oh, and we also painted Dr Kent's clinic! I was doing the skirting of the sides and ceiling all the time. So I had to stand on a chair and a few times, I almost fell. But yeah, it's all for a good cause! So now Dr Kent has a wonderful sparkling white clinic with beautiful white walls for his surgery room and pharmacy!!! Through it all, I've realised that God does work in wonderful ways! And yes, it is true that poor are made rich in spirit by God's grace and everything He does is so perfect. Sometimes, we work so hard here in this secular world but we fail to realise that we do so little for our Father in heaven, where our true reward really lie. Had we known, working for Him all our life would not be enough to repay Him for what He has done. After being in Cambodia, one realises just how fortunate or unfortunate we really are. Yes, we have all the material wealth here, but we lack so much in spirit! The faith they have in walking without sight, in walking with the Lord despite their poor conditions. Indeed, the riches in heaven belong to them who believe though they may be poor. And who's more fortunate than them, to have such big acres of field to gaze at the night sky or feel the cool evening breeze and see the awesome sunset? It was the first time I've seen so many stars in the sky. And to know that our Lord God created all this for us to enjoy, yet their quiet beauty is blinded by man-made lights, all raw and gaudy. If given a chance, I want to go Poipet again. In Poipet, one lives, but here in Singapore one simply survives.

Going. Going. Gone. hey gurls! In a few hours time, I'll gone. Yeah. I'm leaving all those things that has plagued me lately here. I don't wish to bring them there with me. Coz those people need the hope they're looking for. I'll deal with my own past baggages when I get back. Alone. Coz that's what I learned last night. That I really shouldn't assume someone's always there to hear me out. Coz that person's not always there. Well at least that much was told to me. Last night was like the worst night ever. Stuck in my own misery with even someone I thought was so close to me refusing to listen. For a moment I felt like Emily Rose, tortured by the devils. Today was worse. No one understands. They just laugh and laugh. Thinking you're fine when you not. Spent some time sitting outside CHJIMES just thinking. It was peaceful until someone came and disturb it. Needless to say, I left and went back into that dreamlike place, with heavenly voices and beautiful Roman arches. Broken, sad, tired. Yeah, I'll deal with everything alone. Coz the world doesn't revolve ard me. And yeah, that i'm not the only one with troubles. But what if I tell you that my troubles come from within?

Like a stone that falls deeper and deeper into the water after its initial splash. All that's remaining of the stone on the surface are the silent ripples that dilute and slowly disappears soon after. All is quiet and calm on the surface. But the stone's descent is tough. Dark waters pregnant with dangers lurk behind weeds and plankton. Sinking deeper into some unknown depth, unreached by anyone, unknown to anyone. Eventually lost and forgotten. Thanks for everything.

Clara's flying off to Laos today. I think her plane took off already. Take care dear! And may God grant you journey mercies there and back and protect you every step of the way. :) Will be praying for you from here and then subsequently when I'm in Cambodia. I can't believe I'm going there after you and coming back before you do. Take care yarh? Kisses.
Tonight's the concert already. I'm pretty freaked. I'll probably be practising one last time later then I'll have to be at VCH by 4pm.
Big sis Charm will be flying off to Cambodia tmr. Means she'll be there a good 4 days ahead of me and 6 days home after me. On one hand, I would very much like to go on a real holiday where its all play and no work. But then again, I don't think it'll be quite as meaningful as a mission trip. I'm not sure of what to hope for there. Not luxurious showers and service of course. But I'm really hoping for beautiful untouched scenery to retire to despite the living conditions. I don't really mind if the river has ripply, shimmering waters at night, or that the sun sets gloriously over the hills at night. I'll be utterly thrilled if it offered such beauty. But really, shouldn't expect much yeah? Afterall, I'm not going there to see what it has to offer me. Rather what I can offer them. My pathetic music perhaps?

I'm having this big stomachache here. Its stinks man. There's so many things I have to do! Tomorrow's the concert. And I am pretty hyped up. I hope we don't go too fast for Glinka or my fingers will die. I hope I know when to come in for the concerto and I hope that we get the off-beat right for Tchaikosky. I'll practise it later tonight.
There's something that I really wanna talk about now. On Wednesday, we had our rehearsal with the International Festival of Chorus. The choral was great. The best I've ever heard so far. There were people from all over the world, in different languages and races, all for one purpose of making joyful music. So we rehearsed mainly Christmas carols for our concert at CHJIMES on 6&7 dec. It was night time and we were in the music room in RJ, the only warmly lighted room tucked quietly away on the 3rd floor and right at the corner of A block. The rest of the school was dark and eeriely quiet because A Levels ended and there was simply no reason for the others to stay up in school. There was this moment during the rehearsal when the voices and the music from the strings were in perfect harmony. It was magical. I mean I could hear strains of "What child is this?" and "Silent Night". It was so Christmas-y. Suddenly there was like this whole blanket of peace that descended on me. And at the end of the rehearsal, I was so reluctant to leave the room! i wanted the rehearsal to go on and on forever, to keep hearing the heavenly strains and angelic voices of the choral, to feel the harmony between the instruments and most of all, keep that magical moment going on and on forever. But it was not to be. The night outside the room was no longer surreal. It was gloomy, dull and later that night, it poured. That magical moment ended. Why can't good things like these go on forever? I can't wait for our concert on the 6&7. I'll be eagerly waiting to relive that moment again. This time, for real.