It's pouring outside and the air's really chilly. In more ways than one, it does feel a little like Cambodia when it's raining outside. Apart from the muddy muddy roads, it's just as cold, only I feel colder here. Inside, outside. There's no life here, nothing at all. I just wanna run, somewhere, anywhere. Away from here, from home, school, this wretched place. I would go Cambodia, Nepal, anywhere, but stay here. It just eats away at you, this whole place, gnawing away at my life, my flesh, everything in me except my soul. If it hits the soul, I'm doomed.

I feel like I'm sleepwalking through the days and it spills from one day to the next without my conscious feel of it. The faces, the events, the hours, pass in a quick blur. In a strange detached way, I'm pretty fine with it. The faster time moves, the less pain I feel. Just like running through a dark fog, you never know where you're heading and what's up ahead, but strangely the thought that you're actually moving is comforting in itself, as if you're momentarily escaping from the strange circumstances and one never knows how long it will continue this way. Any form of escape is good enough.

They say your life flashes before you just before you die. I disagree. Why do I see my life flashing before me every time I close my eyes?

Sometimes you feel God everywhere, sometimes you don't hear Him at all. At times, He seems so detached from certain circumstances in your life, as though He picks on those He wishes to interfere. I wish He would just interfere with every single aspect of it. Then maybe I neednt go through it alone.