I think my silence must have haunted many around me. I just wanna say sorry for ignoring all your calls, smses, emails, instant messages, etc. And I still won't be replying them anytime soon. It's been really tough these days, coz I either come home to an empty house or get stressed till I can't breathe. It's very difficult to live alone with my parents. I think they sporadically care too little or too much and that straggles me. The whole tense atmosphere when they tell you what they want you to do instead of letting you choose your destiny. I visit hell every now at then right here on earth. Heaven will always be so far away. I seek solace at work everyday. I think people were right when they said to forget your personal problems, just throw yourself into your work. It helps it really does. My life seemed to have ended when work ends. And I don't really want to leave the clinic. Sometimes I stand by my window in the dead of night and stare into the blackness, and wonder when will this nightmare end. This whole nightmare of my life in chaos. And it isn't that I can't turn to anyone for that matter. It's just that I feel burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them. Been talking to very few people these days and of the few people I talk to, fewer know everything that has been happening. I think apart from my family members, only Clue and Oafie. But somehow, that's enough. Somehow, with so many voices, however soft, one loses her ability to think independently.