It's been a really long time. Actually no, time really flies. One more semester and I'm done with second year. I'm not sure what to make of it. Last semester was terrible. The stress, the lack of sleep, the anxiety and the disappointments. I can't say I'm alright with my Crim grades. In truth, I'm anything but. Disappointed, worried and angry. Some say that competition is all about winning others. Others say that mantra will kill you. Competition, they say, is all about winning yourself, pushing yourself to do better than what you think you can achieve. I say, it's a little bit of both. And that's where the fatal waltz begins, where one finds herself dancing with the devil's advocate. If competition is all about winning myself, nothing really matters anymore. Define better. What is better when there is no one to compare it with? What is the standard to begin with that I should be aiming to better? Nil. It is the competition with others that sets this standard. To better illustrate this, it is like a man living alone on an island, happy with growing and consuming his own produce. But what would constitute bettering himself? Hunting? Fishing? But what if the man started off without even attempting to grow anything, but feeding off wild fruits? Indeed, if there is no competition with others, there is essentially nothing to better because paradoxically, nothing can be considered better. We either always fall short of the mark or are way above it. Yet competition with others drags with it the uncomfortable truth that sits uneasily with the notion of competing with yourself only - that you realise your limits. And it is this truth that snowballs disappointment, frustration, anger, sadness and bitterness into a potentially dangerous mass, perching precariously at the edge of the cliff we call ambition, threatening to cascade into a destructive avalanche.

It is 2.35am and I've got a 9am lecture tomorrow. I'm going to bed. Perhaps we could all still approach that cliff, but with caution, careful not to stand too near the edge.